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I'm the Best There Is at What I Do

wolverine
'Best of.' Gotta love those words. You can count on those words. You count on them when you pick up Ellen Datlow's annual 'Years Best Fantasy and Horror' anthos.  In your local Best Buy, you count on them to let you know which Cheap Trick songs you absolutely MUST rock out to in your car(by the way, the omission of 'Surrender' from the CT Best Of CD is apalling), or which Dio songs truly gave back to the world of music (by the way, this particular compilation disc is called "The Very BEAST of Dio").  

Well, folks, those words rise again.  And once again, they shall not fail you.  

Behold! Best of Apex 2006, available for pre-order now!  Featuring, "That Old Sandlands Fever" by this guy.  And, quite exciting for me, what the Apex folk are calling an 'appreciation,' which in my case will be written by the talented miss Mari Adkins.  THAT I am greatly looking forward to.  Mari's a smart lady, I can't wait to read her take on Sandlands.  

Pre-order price?  I'm glad you asked... A mere $8.95.  And what will you find therein?  Why, Steve Parker!  Bryn Sparks!  Jennifer Pelland!  All sorts of gruesome, spooky shit.  So please, go git it.  Show us writers, and Apex, some support! 

Pimpage!

bearded
Christopher Fulbright and Angeline Hawks. New book. Get some.

It's hittin the streets soon...limited to 100 copies...get it while it's hot!

BLOOD COVEN

http://deadletterpress.com/Site/BLOODCOVEN-675.html

On the filthy streets of Victorian London’s East End, a centuries-old evil is amassing its forces. Only one man stands in its way: a legendary vampire killer called The Catcher. He’s been trained from childhood by a secret society within The Holy Church. He’s fast, efficient and totally professional. He’s also totally on his own … working undercover in the darkest quarter of the city … outside the law. Can he succeed where those before him have failed? Not even he knows for sure.



BLOOD COVEN The new vampire novella by Christopher Fulbright and Angeline Hawkes

Limited to 100 copies. Art by Allen Koszowski


BLOOD COVEN arrives in three weeks, but you can save $2 per copy by ordering now. Advance orders BLOOD COVEN. But hurry. Offer ends June 6, 2007. More information: http://www.fulbrightandhawkes.com

SPACE 2007: Memoirs of the Last Customer

pokemans
Just got back from SPACE in Columbus (Small Press and Alternative Comics Expo, so yeah, sorry, this blog will be nothing like that movie 'Space Camp.'  You know, where the kids accidentally get shot into space?  Yeah, no such luck).  While the con itself was pretty uneventful (sorry, guys, about walking out halfway through the Webcomics panel, but Jeeeezus....), I met some nice folks and hung out with a few friends.  Kept getting asked, "You got a table?" and having to explain, no, sorry, I have no artistic ability and know no one who does.  I was a pure consumer at this shindig, a straight-up customer, a wallet with legs, no other agenda.  And you know what?  I think I was the only one.  It was bizarre.  I think the rest of the expo's attendees were buying comics with the money they made selling comics.  I was in the middle of some strange incestuous cycle, and I felt weird putting my money out there.  It was like my dolla bills were the only virgins, and the rest of the guys were taking them out to get them drunk and hook them up.  I welled up with pride at the thought of my babies becoming real men.  And I got some good comics out of it.  Such as...



Pretty neat comic.  Cyborgs, booze, bikinis, conspiracies, and big, big guns.  Fabricari is the lovechild of Philip K. Dick and any late eighties Kurt Russel movie. 



Poor Chester.  When we meet him, the guy wakes up in a pool of his own vomit after a hard night of booze-fueled nihilism.  See, Chester's going crazy.  We know this because Chester's being haunted by a psychopathic eyeless cowboy riding a dinosaur. 



My buddy Shawn's book.  Not a comic, but a self-pubbed young adult novel.  Haven't really started it yet, but the first chapter's got some spot-on dialogue in it.



This page is from Ryan Gelatin's "The Orgasmic Faces of Lucifer."  Picked that one up and "The End of Comics," which is considerably weirder and features the most terrifying Bob Ross depiction ever.  Plus, GG Allin.  

EUTHANASIA CLINIC

I couldn't find any pictures of the cover of this amazing comic, which is a real shame.  This sucker rocks my socks.  The art shows a clear influence by Sam Keith (who you'll remember from The Maxx).  I wanna work with this guy, he's friggin' great!

In other news, Matt Wallace's new website looks great, check that shit out (link to your left, doofus).

Got a response to a query sent to Dark Wisdom.  My story is on the "Reccomended" pile.  

Got a rejection from Dark Discoveries.  They say the story ought to be a novel.  Which is very nice of them, but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around that concept.  The story always seemed like a short to me.  I'll give it a shot some time.  

Rosemary and I bought wedding rings yesterday.  They're gorgeous.  She's gorgeous.  I'm a lucky motherfucker.  I wonder what it says about me that I have to swear everytime I feel like a wuss?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, gotta go eat some pizza.  I hope you enjoy your respective days.  Seacrest out.
nick cave

Well, time for an update... You want the good news or the bad news first?

Good News

Got an e-mail from somebody the other day regarding a new publication.  I don't know if I'm at liberty to discuss it, since I haven't seen it announced elsewhere yet.

I think I might be in a good ol' fashioned rock'n'roll band.  Which will eat up even more of my time.  Which I need right now.

The wedding planning is coming along well.  Invitations are done.  I need a suit.

Bad News

I still have no fucking clue what's going on with my dad.  Any day now we hear whether he'll need surgery or chemo.  Fuck.  Add to that the phone calls I've been getting from relatives I don't even know who want me to let them cry on my shoulder for a while.  Sorry, folks, if I come off as heartless, but these people don't really know my dad, and they sure as shit don't know me.  

I'm smoking alot now.  Which makes absolutely no sense.  It's like hearing someone you loved has been in a car accident and vowing then and there never to wear your seat belt again.  

I'm not sleeping.

I'm getting pissed off at people who've done nothing wrong (see the above note regarding the family members I haven't spoken to since I was twelve).  

I'm fucking broke.

***
Okay, end of transmission.  I hope you'll all excuse me for waxing LiveJournailian.  I feel like the sixteen-year-old goth kid I once was.  Whiny and self-indulgent.  Now I'm going to go smoke and listen to Nick Cave.  See ya.


Doug V. Baltimore Ch. 2

bearded
First, a few extra notes I forgot to include. I had a layover in Philly on my way to B-More, and who should I see on the plane? Rob Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice! Fuckin' A, people! Vanilla Ice! He was really nice! I had all these preconceptions about what Vanilla Ice would be like but it turns out the guy is really accomidating and friendly. I managed not to ask him to sing Ninja Rap, and only once he was out of earshot did I start singing Ice Ice Baby. As a note, it was pretty dark at one point on the plane, so his assertion that if you turn out the lights he'll glow? False. Disappointing, but not terribly surprising. You want proof?


Bladaw!

Anyway, here's the shit part. I found out this week end that my dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. They found it early and they say it's totally operable, one of the most survival kinds of cancer, but that seems to be the same as saying, "One of the least painful kinds of bee-stings." It's fucking cancer. I'm trying to stay positive and crack jokes when I can, but Jesus, this is scary. He's my dad. My dad has cancer. And I know in the most clinical way that everything is going to be fine, but that pragmatic part of my brain seems very small and weak just now. Anyway, if I'm shitty to you in the next few weeks, I hope you won't take it personally. I'm pretty fucking preoccupied.

Thanks to everybody for their support and their thoughts.

Doug V. Baltimore, Ch. 1

bearded

Baltimore was warm most of the week-end.  My dad and his wife picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at my hotel (it was 2 miles away, a shitty Ramada which I will elaborate upon shortly) and were gracious enough to give me a ride to the Sheraton where the con was being held...

DAY 1:

Lots of aimless wandering.  Introduced myself to Jack Ketchum and Michael Laimo.  Met Tom Monteleone, who is an absolute rockstar.  Fantastic writer and a super nice guy whose proclivity for early morning bloody marys rubbed off on me throughout the weekend.  Went to some readings.  Smoked outside with Scott Falkner and Jack Ketchum, who promptly told all in attendance to call him Dallas, because "we're friends now."  Tried not to pee my pants when Dallas Ketchum called me his friend.  Got drunk with Mike Hughs, who's killer Snoop Dogg karaoke slayed the great beast of the audience.  Rocked out to some Bowie karaoke myself.  Doug Bradley watched, smirking.  The rock, for those of you who don't know, is in the mutton chops.  Got back to hotel room via taxi.  Saw little white guy running past me looking terrified.  Right behind him, a chubby tan-skinned guy in green hospital scrubs.  He looks at me and says, "He's in a hurry."  He does not smile.  I nod and agree and then go to my room.  Down in the parking lot, some kids are yelling.  I watch them beat hell out of one another til the cops come.  Walked down to the lobby to get some matches, was accosted by drunk high school kids from after-prom telling me not to walk in the street or they'd call the cops.  I wasn't walking in the street, but I told them I'd do my best.  Narrowly avoided getting punched in the jaw (which would later incur injury anyway) when one kid called me a smart-ass Jew.  I told him I wasn't Jewish, and that I'd try to walk on the sidewalk from now on.  His friend told him that I was cool, and he seemed to believe it because he gave me a hug and let his friends drag him to bed.

DAY 2:

Walked to the Sheraton.  Saw some guy grab some girl by her hair, watched the girl mace the guy.  She was smiling.  I mentally pumped my fist in the air for her.  Hung out in the dealers room with Tomo and Jacob Haddon.  Watched bad Batman fan movies, perused Turkish remakes of Hollywood classics, considered the purchase of a German Supergirl porno.  Went to readings by Ketchum, Monteleone, and F. Paul Wilson.  Got fucking epically drunk at the bar with Tomo and Jacob.  Went to Tomo's room, hung out with he, Jacob, Mark Seiber, Kelli with an I, her sister (whose name escapes me), and Norman Prentiss.  Drank Absinthe.  Tomo read from the latest novel by the Visionary Overlord of American Horror.  Passed out on Tomo's floor.  Woke up when Nikki hit me on the ass with her belt.  Fell back asleep.  Stumbled outside and called a cab.  Cab showed up.  Took a header into the fountain in the courtyard, bashing my chin on a rock.  Nikki found this very funny.  Got home.  Passed out in own hotel room.

DAY 3:

Fell asleep in the back row of the movie theater.  Norman Prentiss held my shit in his car.  Was hung over.  Left.

It was a good time, and I'm leaving out alot of classic shit, but that's the majority of what happened.  Tomorrow, I'll post part 2, wherein I get some of the worst news of my life and would have crashed were it not for my very fun weekend and the support of my family. 

bearded
Hey, all four of my regular readers. How you guys doing? Hi Mom. Anyway, listen. Go here and vote for That Old Sandlands Fever.  See, Apex is throwing together a calender and they're taking votes.  What's that?  Yeah.  Yeah, votes Dad.  No, I know you don't vote, but this isn't political.  Unless you count the politics of dancing as political!  Anyway, the winning story is recreated photographically for the calender, and three friendly people have already voted for me.  The rest of you ought to do that to.

Or for Matt Wallace.  He's cool too.

I've been up all night.  Working on final papers.  I gotta go pack for Horrorfind.  Seeya!

Ow.

joel-peter witkin
Hi. I'm fucking hung-over. Hardcore.

I haven't written anything in weeks.

On the plus side, all of this will seem much less serious tomorrow. Today, it feels like I woke up inside a giant ass. And I have to eat my way out.

Tags:

The Suckerbabies Find a Loving Home

bearded

Just got word that Murky Depths has bought my story, Come to my Arms my Beamish Boy!  This is my personal favorite of my stories right now, and god damn if I'm not excited to see it in print!  Now I just have to figure out how to set up this fucking PayPal account so I can get my grubby hands on that scrilla.  Technology eludes me.  

Running tab of 2007:

Months in - 2
Sales - 2
Rejections - 2

Not bad.  Not bad at all.

"Come to My Arms": Still in my Hands

wolverine

New rejection today.  Clarkesworld passed on my story, "Come to my Arms my Beamish Boy."  This is the kind of rejection I love.  Filled with stuff like "if [certain things were changed] this would be an excellent story instead of merely quite good."  Can't beat that with a stick.  Not even with a sale.  If the story's not as good as it should be, not as good as it needs to be, thank Christ someone liked it enough to tell me so. 

Tonight I drink and smoke and watch Carnivale again.  Tomorrow, I revise.  "Come to my Arms" is a good little story and it deserves to live somewhere.

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Douglas F. Warrick

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